First off, enjoy the lame ass orange.
Second, why in the HOLY MOTHER FUCK cant I get on full tilt poker?
( Vices are like the haunting memories of an X wife...just cant get rid of them)
and third....lets talk severed heads.
I met a severed head at Bad Monkey, a bar I have been banned from after my last
visit. She was beautiful. Italian. (Which, in itself, boggles the mind, as all Italian women
cant talk, yell, or scream without using their hands.)
She must have sensed my drunkenness,and bleeding, broken heart.
After a couple more drinks,and witty conversation, she asked me to place her in her
Vera Wang bowling ball bag, and go back to her place.
To my surprise, she drove. Nice car. (Please, just go with me on this, as I don't have the desire
to be creative enough right now to explain how a head operates a motor vehicle,
because if I did, I could give up plumbing for a rewarding career writing crap novels
sold in local porn shops..."She took his throbbing member whole, in one desperate gulp..")
Anyway, after driving through McDonald's for coffee and apple pie,
and explaining away the monitoring bracelet on my ankle, we pulled up into the drive-way
of a very lovely English Tudor in Lake In The Hills. I bagged her up, she gave me the garage
code, and I staggered into my latest BAD DECISION.
I was jumped from behind by several other severed heads.
I tried to flee, but one rolled between my feet, and tripped me.
I woke up beneath a sign on the highway hours later, it said
WELCOME TO LODI WISCONSIN, HOME OF SUSIE THE DUCK.
I was too humiliated to file a report. My cash and credit cards, gone.
As well as pride and dignity.I don't want to talk about it ever again. So excuse me
Max,the severed head, if I'm a little stand offish.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
NEVER TRUST A SEVERED HEAD
Posted by Johnny Pipewrench at 3:50 AM
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4 comments:
I like the orange, I can't read the red because of my old eyes.
Well, that's the chance you take, when you pick up wanton women in a bowling alley bar.
Looking for Love in all the wrong places...........
Maybe you should take up knitting.
Oh, by the way, how was Lodi WI. Is it nice?
Lodi was very nice.
I was taken in by some town folk
like I had just returned home
from war.Looking to die in all the wrong places is more like it-
Funny, when you wanna die,
and push hard on the self destruct
button,fate...or misery...or
outside forces seem to keep you
hangin on another day.
You could come over here and help me unpack some boxes before you kill yourself off, just to make yourself useful.
did you move?girl scout cookies?
What's in the fucking boxes?
FINE!I'LL DO IT!
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